What to Say When You Don’t Know What to Say with Sam Horn
I had Sam Horn on Midlife Conversations because her way of communication and expressing herself has REALLY stood out to me over the years. The way she interacts with people just BLOWS ME AWAY; she is absolutely incredible. Her recent book Talking on Eggshells really caught my attention and I know that after having Michael Bernoff on the show, you all wanted MORE on communication: how do we communicate with our grown kids? With our partners? At work? With our employees? With friends? All so that we don’t feel like we are unheard and move forward with resentment, ultimately impacting our health.
Growing up, Sam Horn and her family would sit in a room for HOURS without a word being said. That was the home environment. This translated into her being really conflict avoidant, which made her really begin to internalize things. When you do this, it just makes conflict worse because you end up suffering in silence and sitting there with a lot of could have said’s, and should have said’s. Later in life, she ended up dating a narcissist and taught her A LOT about herself, people, and the beautiful communication work she does now. Sam Horn is now on a mission to encourage women (especially in midlife) to claim and USE their voice.
“If you don’t like what’s being said, change the conversation.” – Don Draper
Communication is a SKILL
We learn math and science and history, but we don’t really learn what to say when someone accuses us of something that isn’t true. We don’t learn what to do or say when arguing or blaming. We don’t learn what to say when people are complaining. Communication IS a SKILL that CAN be learned. A really great example of a “quick” way to fix your communication is to not deny what the person is saying. For example, if someone says “You don’t love me anymore…”, denying it by saying “I do, too love too!” will just perpetuate the argument. “No you don’t!” However, if instead of denying their statement, you ask “What do you mean?” you can get to the bottom of what they actually mean and/or the REAL issue: “We haven’t had a date in months.”
There ARE Trigger Words
Avoid using the word “but” to avoid conflict. Replace the words “can’t because” with “can as soon as…”. Instead of saying “stop” or “don’t”, coach how to do it right. Instead of “you have to” or “you need to”, say “could you please” to your partner and “you might want to…” to your children.
There are SOOOO many more great examples Sam gave on this episode of how to shift conversations and perspectives – from navigating teenagers to recognizing how we can shift our “defense” in a conversation, etc. in this episode.
I highly recommend Sam Horn’s newest book, “Talking on Eggshells” HERE
About Sam Horn
Sam’s work has been featured in New York Times, Fast Company, Investors Business Daily, MSNBC, Forbes, INC, Foreign Service Journal, NPR, and Huffington Post.
Her books – including Talking on Eggshells, POP!, Tongue Fu!®, ConZentrate, What’s Holding You Back? and Washington Post bestseller Got Your Attention? – have been endorsed by dozens of thought leaders including Stephen Covey, Jack Canfield, Tony Robbins, and Miki Agrawal.
Her 20+ year track record of results includes speaking for such clients as National Geographic, Cisco, SXSW, Fortune 500 Forum, Intel, YPO, Capital One, NASA, Accenture, Fidelity, the U.S .Navy and Four Seasons Resorts.
She was the pitch coach for Springboard Enterprises which has helped women entrepreneurs generate $36+ billion in funding / valuation.
In this episode, you will learn:
- Most effective ways to communicate
- What you need to be aware of in communication
- How to shift conversations and perspectives in business, with your spouse, your kids, etc.
- How to add value
- How to POP your brand